Work on the things that you love. Be who you are. Find your passion in life.
But what if you don't find it. What if you never know who you are. Can't seem to find anything you really love. It seems such a positive thing to say, especially to kids. My dad used to say Don't worry about what work you are going to do, just study what you really enjoy. Together with: you can be anything you want to be.
True, I could study anything because I had done the right classes in High School so the world remained wide open. I just never realized that really freaked me out. I cannot choose with so many options. And this remained the case. Far into my adult life and I still have no clue who I am or what I want to do. So what happens? I stay rooted on the spot, not knowing which way to go.
I moved a year ago and that was when it hit me. After I got my High School diploma I could do anything I wanted, accept Biblical Studies. (Ironically I did go check that out, fascinating :) After getting lost in the options I did what my mom would have studied if she had gotten the chance, which was Anthropology. It took years because it really wasn't my thing but I was afraid to switch to a different university.
And now, almost hitting 40, I have a masters in Anthropology, no job experience to speak of (unless you include mother, but no one ever does) and so have gone from having the world wide open to it being behind all those closed doors.
And thus I sit here alone in my daughters room feeling mentally and psychically old, tired and sick. Damn that was not what I had imagined my life to be 20 years ago....
No comments:
Post a Comment